I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
