i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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