I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
