our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
