your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
