so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
