o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am spending my child support on dildos
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
