bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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