just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't turn off my feet"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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