im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
