Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
