butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
