Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
