tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
People in love make me want to vomit
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
