Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
