So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
