my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
