between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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