Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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