By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
