I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
