I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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