Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
