Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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