my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
