i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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