then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize