is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
