She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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