I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
