You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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