Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
