I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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