We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
