i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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