i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
