i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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