I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
