he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
