wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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