Cold hands, warm shart.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So many bounce houses so little time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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