I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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