Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
