Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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