Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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