sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
