I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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