she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
