I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
