and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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