i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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