I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
