I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
