They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
