So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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