it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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