so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
