i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
