you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
