once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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