STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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