sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
did i walk over a car last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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