i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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