just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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