escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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