I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
