you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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