Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
