Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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