I am puke
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
