i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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