How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize