I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
