A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my liver is dry heaving
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
