do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
