69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
