It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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