I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dicks are not precious.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
